Deposition

He is a master of blame.

It was my fault when he couldn’t eat all of his noodles.

It was my fault when he didn’t have enough noodles.

It was my fault when he stepped in dog poop in the yard.

It was my fault when his training wheels were too high.

It was my fault when his seat belt was too tight.

It was my fault when he left his bike in the yard overnight.

But this… this one?  Oh, this one is his best yet.

“Mommy, did you eat cake at your wedding?”

“Yes, I did.  And it was a beautiful and delicious cake.”

“And did you eat cake while you were pregnant with Tucker?”

“Yes.”

“So, would you say you ate junk food while you were growing a baby?”

What is this, a deposition? “Yes, you could definitely say that I did.”

“I think that’s why Tucker has asthma.  It’s because you ate junk food while he was growing inside you.”

Listen, pal.  The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just referred to DNA in this morning’s episode, and I thank them for the softball lead into this discussion.  Asthma is in our family, in our DNA.  Poppa has it, Uncle Rob has it, now Tucker has it.  No, I don’t know why Uncle Rob has it and I don’t; I don’t know why Tucker has it and Tyler doesn’t.  DNA, kiddo.

And if you’re interested in looking thoroughly at the effects of junk food in one’s diet, then we can begin experimenting with yours.  Beginning today.

Punk.